Kimie's Cranium

Star Sighting April 20, 2011

2011-04-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

Last night as some classmates and I were eating dinner, Robert Wuhl came walking out of Whole Foods. He's a lot taller than I thought.

Hey, Robert, loved you in "Good Morning, Vietnam" and "Batman"! Keep up the good work and healthy eating habits!

Star Sighting April 13, 2011

2011-04-14T13:13:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I had a sighting!

Last evening some class mates of mine were walking from dinner to campus when we saw Jamie Lee Curtis turn onto Le Conte from Gayley. I've always been a fan of hers, but my favorite JLC film is "A Fish Called Wanda," hands down.

Thanks for the entertainment, Ms. Curtis!

Week Three Challenges

2011-02-14T10:17:00.000-08:00

Your eyes don't deceive you, there is no Week Two. I was sick as a dog, so we will just pretend that week never happened. Week one's challenges are ever pervasive - in my efforts of gluten-free eating, I have had some good finds and some not so good. I found really good battered fish at Whole Foods, for example, but possibly the worst macaroni and cheese ever. I also found Betty Crocker gluten-free devil's food cake mix which I will be making for my one-year wedding anniversary next week. Yes, he has put up with me for a year, believe it or not, but that's a different entry.

I did pretty well avoiding beef and dairy, but there are just some things you have to have a pat of butter with. I tried an almond milk chocolate pudding that would have worked if I hadn't messed up adding the last two ingredients, so I will try it again and if it works, I will post the recipe. It tasted delicious but didn't set; however, it made a great breakfast drink with some banana and peanut butter.

This week's goal will be to tackle my pop addiction. If I don't watch it, I think nothing of drinking four Dr. Peppers a day, and that's really bad. The sugar, caffeine, food color and additives are terrible for you. I have decided to allow myself one pop on school nights (Mondays and Wednesdays) and one on Fridays since I have lunch with friends on Fridays. We'll see how it goes. I'm jonesing pretty bad right now, but am drinking water instead. Wish me luck. I am feeling better already.

Note: I just had Amy's Rice Mac & Cheese for lunch and it was delicious! Not dairy free, but after last night's debacle, I don't care!

- 3.5 -6.5

Week One Challenges

2011-01-31T08:18:00.000-08:00

So after a week of major diet modifications, I ran into some challenges. Knowing what to eat is easy since I have a pretty narrow list of stuff I'm not allergic to, it's just weeding the other stuff out that has been difficult. These things were rough for me this past week:

1. Eliminating gluten. Although I'm not celiac, I am borderline and have a high intolerance to wheat gluten. I have come to discover that wheat or wheat by-products are in frigging everything! I was never a big processed foods person, but looking at labels made me realize I am going to have to start being really careful. Gluten-free baking mixes and products are more available than they've been in the past, which is lucky for me, so I will start using them.

2. Eliminating beef and dairy. Seriously, how am I supposed to get my cheeseburger fix on? Fortunately I am strong of will right now, so I am buying more poultry and seafood and not buying beef at all. I stare wistfully at the meat counter - the rib-eyes, the New York strips .. and lets not forget the t-bones. How I will miss thee.

3. Cutting down on grains. The doc said one serving a day of rice or grains that are not wheat or contain gluten. This narrows it down to things like quinoa and rice. I'm Asian, so this presents a challenge. But I am supposed to eat more potatoes, so it kind of balances out I guess. Still it's hard to make only a little rice in a big ol' rice cooker.

After the first week, although I am frustrated by not being able to just eat whatever I want, I am feeling a little better. I am experiencing a little less stiffness and swelling in my joints and am feeling pretty good about what I do eat. Let's see what this week brings. My goals are to eat all five fruits and vegetables every day and drink more water. And so it begins.

-3 -3

Movie Review: Let the Right One In

2011-01-25T09:34:00.000-08:00

Let the Right One In (2008, R)

Director: Tomas Alfredson
Starring: Kare Hedebrant, Lina Leandersson
Genre: Forign, Foreign Horror

This oddly bittersweet coming of age story between a young boy and the not-so-average girl next door left me with strong feelings of nostalgia. We always remember our first love, but this takes it a step further - not only does Eli, the new girl in the neighborhood help Oskar, the neglected protagonist stand up for himself against a group of vicious bullies, but she lives on blood as well. I mean, bummer, right? Not so in this case.

Teenage (or in this case pre-teenage) angst isn't all with which Oskar must contend. He is also dealing with an emotionally absent mother, a flaky, irresponsible father, and getting a can of whoop-ass opened on him with dismaying frequency. With Eli, he finds a friend who not unlike himself feels confused and profoundly alone, and dealing with her own horrors. Because of what she is, she is at first distant with Oskar, but their relationship develops into a darling first-love experience, and the fact that she is capable of acts of stunning violence makes their budding relationship all the sweeter. They become dependent on each other, and the climactic pool scene affected me profoundly. It didn't scare me, but I felt hot and cold and trembly all over, like when I don't want a good book to end, and the love that Eli shows Oskar and her fierce protectiveness of him, although a little unnerving, was truly touching.

I can't say there is much that made me jump as I thought it would since this was marketed as a vampire movie, but I found much, much more than I expected from it. The scariest part of this movie was the reality of people's cruelty to one another. Ironically, I found the vampire to be the kindest, most vulnerable, and most moral character in the whole film. We should all have best friends like that.

Belated New Year, Belated New Me

2011-01-24T08:50:00.000-08:00

But better late than never.

The holidays always put me in crisis - sad over the loss of the kids, bad holiday memories, depression (not in the clinical sense I suppose, but at the very least a severe case of the bummers that prohibit any kind of activity, happiness, or holiday cheer), you name it. I don't care for the holidays. To some they are a welcome break - and I admit I did appreciate having some time off, but whilst others see them as an occasion, I see them as a disruption. They memorialize terrible things, and I am always relieved at the weight off my shoulders when they are over.

Due to my state at my previous to last appointment at the nutritionist (December 20, right smack dab in the middle of a bunch of BS), I was given a reprieve. Survival mode kept me through, but now I can't make that excuse anymore. I went back on Friday and my numbers were pretty bad. The nutritionist was very nice about it, but said that she would really like me to start taking better care of myself. I know I should, we all should, so now I am.

It really hit home the other day when one of the neighborhood cats who conveniently frequents my back porch at mealtimes showed up after a few days of not seeing him. He was all beaten up - swollen, dribbly eyes, cuts and bites, skinny and stinky ... I got out the kitty first aid kit, got him all cleaned up and fed him. I feed the cats - all the cats, strays and mine own - really good cat food. On weekends they get a treat of really good canned cat food. They are getting good nutrition, so generally they are in good health, have clear eyes and wonderful coats. They get the best. I feed myself crap. Junk food, food I know I am allergic to, food with no nutritional value, and way too much of it. As I watched that smelly tom scarfing away, I realized that I take way better care of him than my own self. I don't feel healthy at all - I'm tired, listless, heavy and in pain.

Today is the first day of the year as far as I am concerned. I pulled out all of my food lists and plans that my nutritionist went over with me, planned for the week and packed accordingly for the day. School days are more of a challenge as I am gone from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30 p.m., so I have to plan for not eating at home for the entire day, but it it is not impossible as the excuses I have been making would say. I am excited, encouraged, and empowered to finally be taking care of myself and making myself important enough to treat myself as well as I treat those cats.

I will look forward to my next appointment and see how my numbers have improved.

211:16

Another School Shooting

2011-01-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

Two students were shot and injured this morning at Gardena High School when a "gun in a 10th grader's backpack accidentally discharged when he dropped the bag." (Thomas Watkins, Associated Press.) I could go on and on about the way a firearm functions, but that would just take too much energy - but suffice it to say I have a hard time accepting it accidentally went off. Not having been there, I can't assume anything, but in my experience with handguns, and I've shot thousands of rounds, not one has ever just gone off, nor have the numerous other shooters I have worked with ever had that happen.

This makes me sad on so many levels. I didn't grow up rich, but I sure didn't have to go through what these kids are going through these days, feeling like they need to bring a gun to school. There was no fear of getting shot by other students, either. The two kids who were hurt are so young, they shouldn't have to feel mortal at this time in their lives. Sad, sad, sad. Who knows what the kid with the gun was thinking, but how he got possession of the weapon in the first place raises another host of questions. Madness! Insanity!

I'm not going to go off about gun control or gun rights or any of that, especially considering what the student did was against the law anyway. But as a gun enthusiast, seeing the comments that ignorant people make about those subjects makes me even sadder, as do people who hide behind their computers, cast dispersions on people of other races, and say the cruelest things imaginable. It's not my place to tell people what to say or what to think, but I am happy to know that I don't have to be one of those people.

I wish the two victims a speedy recovery and pray that they will get help for the emotional scars they will have.

If you are a gun owner, please, please, PLEASE be careful where you leave it if you have kids! Your kid may be responsible, but why take the chance?

Name That Move 01/14/11

2011-01-14T14:03:00.000-08:00

"Oh, wow. Um, what's an RPN?"
"I kill people, dear."

Movie Review: El Orfanato (The Orphanage)

2011-01-13T15:14:00.000-08:00

El Orfanato (The Orphanage) (2007, R)

Director: Juan Antonio Bayona
Starring: Belen Rueda, Fernando Cayo, Roger Princep, Geraldine Chaplin
Genre: Foreign Thrillers, Spain, Spanish Language

It has been a very long time since a movie made me pull the blankets up to my nose and grab my man. This Spanish-language thriller, I am happy to report, scared the $#!+ out of me.

Laura and Carlos, along with their young son Simon, move into the house that was once the orphanage in which Laura grew up. Her fond memory of the house leads her to the decision to open a facility for children with special needs in the house. Soon, Simon begins to make friends that no one else can see and on the facility's opening day, disappears. Laura searches for Simon for several months, but it is scavenger game set up by Simon's "friends" that helps her unravel the mystery of her missing son.

Belen Rueda's portrayal of an inconsolable, tortured mother is completely heart-wrenching, and had I not been so terrified of the events the house was displaying, I would have reached through the screen and hugged her. Geraldine Chaplin plays the medium whom Laura calls on to help figure out what happened in the house after she was adopted, and I must say her Spanish is impeccable. She is able to tell them what happened to the other children, but does not see where Simon is. She admonishes Laura to have faith and she will find the answer.

Sadly, Simon's disappearance is not supernatural at all and when Laura discovers the truth, she has no one to blame but herself. Sad, tragic, scary as hell, this movie was a thriller from start to finish. If you want to get some adrenaline pumping, I recommend watching this with all the lights off. Thumbs up!

Off Centered

2011-01-13T13:40:00.000-08:00

Feeling very off-centered today. Last night a judge came to guest-lecture for my class and it turns out he knew my biological father from when he worked as a public defender. He said if I call the PD office, there is bound to be someone there who worked with him and be able to tell me if there is any other family. I don't think I care so much to know about my father, but I would like to know if I have siblings and maybe see my aunt. I don't know. We'll see.

I also discovered today was a missed opportunity to see a friend who I love dearly and never get to see. Had I been told the opportunity was there, I would have taken it, but I wasn't. Don't know why that makes me so sad, but it does. Sad, disappointed and a little hurt. But I have learned that disappointment only stems from how I want things to be, not what they are, so it's really my own fault.

On a lighter note, I took some great pictures in San Diego last weekend. This was my favorite, and illustrates how I feel about the world today.

Fortunately, I'm too shallow to be down for long!

Movie Review: Laura

2011-01-06T09:02:00.000-08:00

Laura (1944, NR)

Director: Otto Preminger
Starring: Gene Tierney, Dana Andrews, Vincent Price, Clifton Webb
Genre: Film Noir, Classic Thrillers, Mystery

While police detective Mark McPherson investigates the murder of advertising executive Laura Hunt, he becomes obsessed with her as he interviews the potential suspects and her friends, and examines her apartment and letters. The top two suspects, a pair of metrosexual suitors - one her friend and mentor, and the other her fiancee, tell differing tales of what happened on that fateful night. This only strengthens his resolve to find the real perpetrator. In a surprise twist, which I will not spoil for you, oh my numerous readers, the urgency to solve the crime becomes greater and McPherson finds himself falling in love with the woman he believes Laura to be.

I was pleasantly surprised to see Vinny Price in such an interesting role - I usually think of him in scary movies, so to see him in his youthful exuberance was refreshing. His performance as Shelby Carpenter, the fop who finagles his way into Laura's world, was excellent. Carpenter recognizes his weaknesses and is able to make fun of himself, which charms others. Gene Tierney plays Laura Hunt wonderfully well. Her grace and beauty are admirable. Dana Andrews as McPherson was my favorite, though. I'm always attracted to the jaded, indifferent characters (as my former love life will attest), but he ends up being a lot more than meets the eye.

In my recent discovery of film noir, thanks to a dear friend, I have noticed that the speech, manner of dress, and lavish lifestyles may have changed, but the issues are remarkably relevant. Presumably killed in a jealous fit, the concept of Laura is not all that different from characters we see in movies today. Love, jealousy, violence, mystery and a touch of romance ... it's what the good stuff's made of.

Another winner, in my opinion.

2010 Photo Rodeo

2011-01-03T14:04:00.000-08:00

Beautiful lily in my back yard

Evidence photo assignment

Erin's hands

MINE! MINE! MINE!

What you did there - I saw it.

Gorgeous baby giraffe

Someday ...

Be vewy, vewy quiet ...

Definitely gonna get this when I get rid of my Toyota

Back yard still life

We shall not abide your shenanigans here. Good day, sir!

The Maori symbol of new life

Whatchoo mean cheezburgers iz lie?

June Buggy stops to smell the roses

Aquarium of the Pacific

Gato and Jethro hangin' out

Have him bathed and brought to my chambers post haste.

With love in mind

'Shrooms on my eucalyptus tree

Gives you some perspective, don't she?

These are just a few of my favorites from 2010. Merry New Year, everyone!

Movie Review: The Crimson Kimono

2011-01-03T13:49:00.000-08:00

The Crimson Kimono (1959, NR)
Director: Samuel Fuller
Starring: James Shigeta, Glenn Corbett, Victoria Shaw, Anna Lee
Genre: Film Noir, Classic Thrillers

When an unseen gunsman shoots down burlesque dancer Sugar Torch, Joe Kojaku and Charlie Bancroft of LAPD Homicide are assigned to the case. A painting of the victim in a red kimono leads them to the artist and an intricate web of deceit and secrecy. While addressing racial tensions and a love triangle between the artist and the detectives, this movie was delightful in its recognizable areas of L.A.’s Little Tokyo District (lovingly known as J-Town to we of Japanese descent) and its gritty, cheese-bordering period dialogue.

The relationship of two best friends is tested when both detectives fall in love with artist Christine Downs, who flirts with both of them but later professes her love for Kojaku. Kojaku is tortured by her love as he knows Bancroft is in love with Downs and he refuses to hurt his friend. However, his feelings overwhelm his judgment, and he starts to question who he is – is he American? Is he Japanese-American? And where does a future with a Caucasian woman lie? Will his friendship with Bancroft survive?

As a mixed Japanese-American with, frankly, few Asian role models in American society, some of these questions struck home, and are still relevant today. Generally, Asian roles are criminals or whores, neither of which are particularly flattering, and the Asian races are interchanged, as if I wouldn’t notice. (Cases in point, Chinese actresses in Memories of a Geisha and Japanese actresses in The Joy Luck Club. Perhaps it is a necessity, but as an Asian, it kind of pisses me off – not all Asians look alike.) But I digress.

Besides some of the familiar locales and customs, (Nisei Week, a shot of Bun-Ka-Do, which is still in operation), and with the exception of a couple of cheesy professions of love, I thoroughly enjoyed this film and recommend it to anyone who likes film noir, mystery, and intrigue. It is also interesting in its sociological standpoint of fitting into society as a minority and the ramifications of encultation into American society. Have we progressed that much? Ah so, desu ne?

Hawaii - July 5-11, 2010

2010-07-15T13:47:00.000-07:00

Star Sightings 2010

2010-05-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

I know I have been terrible about posting my recent star sightings, but didn't realize it has been since January! Holy smokes my blogging has been spotty. So here are the sightings so far this year.

January 12: Gedde "Long Duck Dong" Watanabe

What a nice guy, and really cute. This was actually the third time I have seen him in public and I hope he doesn't think I am stalking him. Restraining orders are no fun.

January 14: Gregory "Melvin Melvin" Sporleder

He was at an Italian restaurant in the west valley with his family and seemed like a nice enough guy. He was wearing a cool hat, too.

April 4: Ron "Set It and Forget It" Popeil

Not the nicest guy at all. Spotted at a lovely breakfast spot/bakery in Santa Barbara.

That's it for today, ladies and germs. Hopefully more soon!

R.I.P., Dear Prudence ...

2010-05-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Prudence,

I will miss the many road trips we took together. You kept me on track on so many occasions, getting me where I needed to go. I will miss your sweet voice guiding me on, and I will miss how you always steered me in the right direction.

Do you remember when we first met, there in the Eagle Rock Target? You were so pretty and we fit together like peas and carrots. I thought we would be friends forever, you and I, going on our road trips and finding interesting places together. When you didn't wake up yesterday, I knew the era was over and I would never be able to hear your voice again, assuring me I was on the right course.

You were the best GPS in the world, dear Prudence, and I will never forget you! You will be succeeded, but never replaced!

Love,

The Asian girl With No Fucking Sense of Direction

Cats and Dogs

2010-03-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

Being owned by both a cat and a dog has its moments. Especially when the cat has dignity and clear boundaries and the dog is a beefy doofus with no sense of personal space. We have had our cat for about a year and a half, and Stewie as he came to be named, has been a source of joy and entertainment. Then we moved into our house. Being in a house after being in crappy apartments so long was nice, but Art works at night a lot and it freaked me out a little to be alone with all the creaks and groans of a different place. So Art went to the pound and fell in love with this lug of a dog, and I did too. Now they are Stewie and Dewey, and we have noticed some fundamental differences between the two species.

The cat lays at my feet.
The dog lays on my face.

The cat eats daintily and cleans himself afterward.
The dog inhales it and rubs his mouth sploosh on me.

The cat sits in the window and soaks up the sun.
The dog goes through the window and chases the sun.

The cat goes in his box and neatly covers his excrement.
The dog pees on the banister and it runs all down, making me wonder why my banister is wet whilst I ascend the stairs.

The cat entertains himself by playing with his catnip mouse and circular thingy with the ball in it.
The dog entertains himself by eating my dishcloths, classwork, and wooden spoons.

The cat plays games with me when he is good and ready.
The dog won’t leave me the f*&$ alone.

The cat greets me with “Whatever, man.”
The dog greets me with, “MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA!!!!”

The cat is entitled to tuna.
The dog earns every Milk Bone.

The cat hates the dog.
The dog loves the cat.

The cat disapproves with disdain.
The dog accepts with joyful exuberance.

So many lessons here. It has become obvious to me that you can’t have a cat if you are needy and you can’t have a dog if you’re unwilling to deal with some discomforts, such as a paw in the eye from time to time and the loss of good sneakers. I love them both for their individual characteristics and whatnot. But for all that, it is always good to remember:

The dog loves you for who you are.
The cat sees you for who you are.

Wedding Bells Are(n't) Ringing

2010-02-23T14:41:00.000-08:00

There’s something to be said for a beautiful wedding. The fanfare, the bridesmaids, the cake … but I already did that once and didn’t want to do it again. Besides, all my money got sucked up by the house, and there simply wasn’t much left for a wedding. We knew we wanted to get married, had, in fact, been engaged for more than two years, when all of a sudden he set the date.

On Sunday, February 21st (Art’s birthday by the way), we had a private, quiet ceremony in our home joined by our parents. We didn’t tell very many people, indeed mostly work because I had to and my parents to make sure they would be there, because we wanted it to be an intimate thing. Although it was small, it wouldn’t have mattered. The only person I could see was Art. I hope no one is upset. We will be planning a reception for this spring (or so) and we can celebrate together then.

In the meantime, I have a lot of paperwork to do! I don’t know why the man can’t change his name. Then again, Art Aragon-Devlin Renshaw is a bit much, don’t you think?

10 Things I Have Learned

2009-07-31T15:25:00.000-07:00

I don’t know where this came from. I’m feeling a little dark today in light of current events.

1. Never underestimate the ability you have of hurting someone’s feelings, especially at work when they are trying to learn something new. Yelling at people over email because you can is cowardly and mean and the only person who looks bad is you.

2. Never go after someone else’s man. If he cheats on her, he’ll cheat on you and make you feel crazy and irrational.

3. Never trust your ex to take your name off of something involving money. Do it yourself or be damned sure he did it, or you will have to deal with him forever when all you want is to get him out of your life. Then good luck getting a home loan. Stupid turd.

4. Respond when someone says hi to you in the hallway. They are not invisible or nonexistent because you might be in a bad mood. It is amazing what a smile and nod can do.

5. Pay your dues. Nothing's worse than having to hound someone for money they borrowed from you. That goes for your bills, too. If you're in over your head, make a plan so you can get out. Lesson learned from my doomed marriage.

6. Let people have their fair turn. You are not the only person in the parking lot/supermarket line/wherever the hell. In the great scheme of things, a couple more minutes is not a big deal. Cutting people off rude and can be dangerous for them as well as you.

7. Trust your instincts. They are smarter than you. If someone raises your hackles, there is probably a reason. If someone makes you relax, there is probably a reason. Don’t ignore it if some one you know makes you uncomfortable. And if someone makes you happy, don’t push it away.

8. Never take for granted a hot shower or a hot meal. Living in a country with electricity, modern plumbing and an abundance of food is something we should all appreciate. Americans are freaking spoiled, including myself. You should have heard me complain when I had to boil a pot of water for a bath last week!

9. Cherish your friends and family. They could go at any time, no matter how young, how old, how healthy, or how ill. Our family learned that the hard way.

10. Treat animals with kindness. Humans made them dependent, encroached on their homes and in some cases, killed them off completely. They’re just creatures doing their creature errands and there is a 99.9% chance they are doing no harm to you.

The Eights

2009-07-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

When I was 8, I was in Mrs. Manning’s third grade class. I remember she was really nice and her husband was the Fire Chief for the City of Los Angeles . I learned how to multiply and divide that year, and I learned to make blueberry muffins. I lived in Los Feliz and rode my bicycle around the neighborhood with my friends. I didn’t care about the future because I was enjoying life so much.

When I was 18, I started my first year of college at CSUN. My whole life was ahead of me. I ditched class, partied a lot, and pledged a sorority. I later depledged since it just wasn’t for me and flunked out of school, but it was still a great time. I was trying to find my way and having a good time doing it.

When I was 28, I had been married for seven years. I hated my life. I felt terribly lost and alone in Colorado, even though I had good friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with. I had gone back to school and finished my AA by then and was attending Regis University in pursuit of my BA in Communication. I was almost a straight A student, was heavily involved with the honor society and the Moose Lodge, and had no idea who I was or what I really wanted to do. Communication was just easy, so why not?

I am now 38. I am divorced. I am happy. I know exactly who I am and what I want. I have no problem using the word “I” a hundred times in a paragraph. Keggers have been replaced with dinner parties. My fiancé is a wonderful man who is supportive, kind, and loving. I went back to study Criminal Justice and Forensics and am very excited about the direction in which this could take me. I definitely see myself as a wiser, sadder person than when I was 18 perhaps, but it makes me appreciate my life now even more.

This has been an interesting journey so far. I spent a lot of time looking back and regretting, but the actions I took were relevant at the time and have led me to where I am now. I may not be exactly where I want to be at the moment, but I am proud that I have grabbed life by the reigns and have the confidence, self-awareness, and constitution to ride in the direction I know I want to go.

Thrown for a Loop

2009-05-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

There are times when I am thrown for a complete loop, and I start thinking. I think about issues that probably have no solutions save for my own violent fantasies, and I wonder how things got to be the way they were. Perhaps they were always this way or perhaps there was a catalyst I was unaware of, but I daresay the state of things as they are now started declining way before my time and will continue to do so long after I am gone.

Deciding to leave one’s comfort zone is a big decision, and it can get you into pretty intimidating situations. A good friend of mine wanted to go to a popular spot in town, just to get out, have a drink and see what was out there. The purpose was not to scope men, be seen, or get hit on. We just wanted a to get out of the house after a particularly rough semester for both of us. After driving around looking for parking, we finally headed to the hotel and took the elevator to the top floor. From the elevator, we took the stairs to the roof. On the way, several college-aged looking men with drinks in their hands and privileged sneers on their faces bumped us on their way down – apparently not only did they own the stairwell, but we were invisible as well. I then opened the door to the bar and was completely shocked. We were greeted with the same sneers as the men in the stairwell, and I immediately felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. Blonde bikini-clad college-aged girls were rubbing themselves on various and sundry men of the same age group. They were emaciated, inebriated and didn’t have a single natural breast in their bodies. The guard at the door quickly looked my friend and I up and down and told us it was a private party and we would need to leave. I never felt so relieved in my life. I don’t really believe it was a private party at all, but we obviously didn’t fit in, and frankly, I was glad to get the hell out of there. It made me think of an ex-boyfriend who used to go there all the time and would never take me. Now I know why.

This was the sort of thing you see in the movies, only I wasn’t making the desperate attempt to try to fit in. It made me think about how things were when I went to college. There was my share of frat parties, but nothing like the one I had just glimpsed. I am not someone who is easily shocked, but this threw me for a loop and I was disgusted.

While watching late-night television after I got home, I noticed all the commercials were for either weight loss products, videos of nude college-aged girls (their parents must be very proud) or booty call hotlines and it really made me wonder what the hell was going on. Am I just getting too old? Am I a has-been? Or more like a never-was? Is our society of younger people just that superficial, raunchy and disrespectful? And how sad if they are. I am not thin, rich or beautiful by American standards. I am not into money or possessions that give the illusion of status, and I am certainly not into casual sex or multiple partners. I want so much more than that, and I actually feel a little sorry for those girls at the bar who appear to expect so much less for themselves. They may have men all over them, but I know who really cares about me and I would prefer that any day of the week.

Maybe this is only the beginning of the decline. I don’t know. I just know that I am going to sleep well tonight next to someone who loves me after eating a great cheeseburger. And tomorrow I will go back to work and continue to not live off of daddy's money.

Gettin' Five In

2009-04-28T14:29:00.001-07:00

In an effort to start taking better care of myself, I made a deal with my grief counselor to start eating five fruits and vegetables a day. There are so many types of both that it hasn’t been a problem getting them in at all, provided that I go to the grocery store on a regular basis which is not quite my favorite thing to do. The deal also included reducing my intake of diet pop and having iced tea or water instead, especially in the morning so that the first thing I take in is not a bottle full of chemicals.

The first thing I noticed, eating all the fruits and veggies, was the increase in odd noises from my abdominal area. I didn’t know humans produced those sounds. Somehow I am reminded of an angry sea lion whose afternoon nap in the sun has been disturbed by a fat tourist in black socks and sandals trying to take its picture. Fortunately, I don’t have to attend many meetings.

The second was the attractive array of facial blemishes that appeared seemingly overnight. I chalk it off to detoxing, but I look like a bad connect-the-dots in a coloring book for infants. My friend told me it would even out after she recovered from recoiling in horror. It probably doesn’t help that I am a bit stressed and about to start what is gearing up to be my worst cycle in years. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.

Yesterday was the first day that I didn’t get all five in since I started more than a week ago. I didn’t prepare anything to bring to work and ate out for lunch and dinner. By bed time, my stomach hurt and was so distended (but Jerry’s Deli pastrami, how I love thee) that I could barely move. I hit the bed, watched episode two of the first season of The Wire, and miserably passed out. In the episode, two of the characters were macking on Chicken McNuggets® and I thought I was going to be sick. I awoke at four with the taste and burning sensation of acid in my throat and swore that I would change my ways.

Today, so far so good. I didn’t have anything to bring, but drank some juice, had a granola bar and will be hitting the grocery store over my lunch break to pick up some healthy foods. Eventually, I will even out and not feel so tired. I may even feel like a normal person one day not have a stomach that sounds like a penguin mating call. For today, I will just concentrate on getting my five in.

A Word of Thanks …

2009-03-02T10:25:00.000-08:00

... to the little butthole who stole my iPhone on Saturday. You really made my day. I had to cancel my service, cancel the warranty, and go buy another phone, for which I did not get a service discount for. I hope you really enjoy that I cancelled it so quickly that you didn’t even have time to download anything or make any phone calls, little butthole. When the time comes for you, I hope someone takes something away something that you really wanted and worked hard to earn the money for, then get screwed when you try to replace it. I also hope when you try to get it activated, the operator tells you it was stolen and calls you a little butthole. Have fun paying for a charger and earbuds. Fortunately, I didn’t even have it long enough to put on any iTunes, so no free music for you, thieving little butthole. Enjoy.

Oh, and by the way, you’re a little butthole.

Name That Movie 02/13/09

2009-02-13T12:25:00.000-08:00

"What knockers!"

Star Sighting: Wienermobile

2009-02-13T11:55:00.000-08:00

On the way to Alhambra the other day, I looked over at some sort of gathering and saw it: the pinnacle of iconic advertising - The Wienermobile! It is shaped like a hot dog on a bun that is used to promote and advertise Oscar Mayer products. The Wienermobile was created in 1936 by Oscar's nephew, Carl G. Mayer, and variants are still used by Oscar Mayer today. Drivers of the Wienermobiles are known as Hotdoggers and often hand out toy whistles shaped as replicas of the Wienermobile, known as Wienerwhistles.

Wienerrific! Now if I only had a huge diced onion and a tub of deli mustard!

Why I …

2009-02-10T11:42:00.000-08:00

Hate the mechanic who fixed my tire: I blew out on the frigging freeway today. I got the tire fixed YESTERDAY to prevent exactly this from happening. I was driving to work, minding my own freaking business, when my car veered violently to the right and I heard that blown-out tire noise. Fortunately, the cars around me were paying attention and got the heck out of the way before I smashed them, and I was able to pull out of traffic.

Love Progressive Insurance: I called roadside assistance, and they sent someone. It took a while, but they were there and there were no games or bull, and I didn’t have to try and maneuver changing a tire in the middle of the freaking 101 in rush hour.

Love the California Highway Patrol: The officer came up and told me to back the car up and to the right a little to get a little further out of traffic. Because I don’t have the sense God gave a cantaloupe, I couldn’t start the car. Why, you ask? Because I had left the headlights on. So he had to jump the battery. I’m not sure he believed me when I told him I wasn’t normally this stupid.

Love Travis from Road Medic: Once he got there, he had the tire changed in about 17 seconds. Plus, he was polite and cute as a bug. And he apologized that I had to wait so long.

Moral of the story: Don’t be a cheapskate. Just buy a new frigging tire.

Name That Movie 02/06/09

2009-02-06T14:54:00.000-08:00

"I want my two dollars!"

Three Minutes

2009-02-04T05:23:00.000-08:00

Last night we were all at the hospital, the whole family all in one place, which hardly ever happens. Cristyn was having her baby and the contractions were painful. She squeezed my hands and breathed like she was taught until the pain would pass. They stopped for a few minutes, so I went into the waiting room where everyone was talking and eating, waiting to welcome the baby. Andrew asked me how it was going and I was so surprised and happy to see him. Toni Marie walked in and I hugged her fiercely - it was so nice to see her, too. but when Cristyn walked in the waiting room with the baby in her arms, everything changed.

"We only have three minutes," Toni Marie said, and I grabbed them all, the members of the family hugging us all into a tight little skein. But when we let go, they were gone.

And I woke up this morning sobbing, remembering the car crash. Remembering the news reports and having to call the police to find them. Remembering having to tell my mother.

Remembering that they were dead.

Ode to a New Clutch

2009-02-03T08:21:00.000-08:00

New clutch, you saved my car
It was on the verge of being replaced
And was working my nerves with its high gas consumption
But you’ve changed that, oh new clutch
And I am grateful.

New clutch, I did not have to manhandle you
Or strain my shoulder to put you in reverse
Or overwork my left pedal foot
Because you run so smoothly
And I am grateful.

New clutch, in conjunction with my new tires
You have saved me from the grief and pain
Of breaking down on the highway
Where no one stops to help except those stupid trucks that are never there
And I am grateful.

New clutch, now I feel safe
On my ridiculous commute
And I avoided having to make car payments
Which pleases me as I am cheap
And I am grateful.

Name That Movie 02/02/09

2009-02-02T17:07:00.001-08:00

"I thought you of all people would appreciate efforts to deconstruct the colonialist paternalistic agrarian hierarchy that disenfranchises the Tangata Whenua and erodes the natural resources of Aotearoa."

Things on CNN ...

2009-02-02T16:44:00.000-08:00

Things on CNN that Annoy Me

* Jessica Simpson’s weight. Um … why is this national headlines? Will her ass find the answer to world hunger?
* Anything to do with Paris Hilton. What a pity she can’t use all of her fame and money for anything that is relevant to anything.
* Britney Spears’ restraining orders. Stop dating freaks and get your life together!
* Octuplets. Someone at the fertility clinic really messed up.
* Brangelina. They’re not the first people to take care of a lot of kids while juggling careers. Gimme a break.
* Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson. They are the first lesbian couple ever. Or so one would think. Do lesbians consider them a lesbian couple? Or are they an insult to lesbian coupledom?
* Michael Phelps sucking on a bong. The guy just won a boatload of medals, so I say toke up. His crime is being stupid.

Things on CNN that are Cool

* Shoe throwing
* Actual news that doesn’t deal with celebrities
* Coverage of weird crimes
* Obameter
* Anderson Cooper. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing. Just speak to me, oh great one.

That is all.

The Gato and the Dingo

2009-01-25T08:28:00.001-08:00

Name That Movie 01/23/09

2009-01-23T10:13:00.000-08:00

"I was astonished by his gay indifference!"

Through a Spotted Windshield

2009-01-22T13:46:00.000-08:00

The wipers swish across the windshield as the drudge of traffic rolls hesitantly on in the falling rain. Huge trucks zoom by at breakneck speed, causing alarm as my car rocks back and forth and is buried in a veil of filthy mist. I sigh.

I average about 500 miles a week between work, family obligations and appointments, and that’s only if I don’t have anything going on during the weekend. I see a lot through my spotted windshield – a lot of ugliness in human behavior, a lot of stupidity. And an occasional glimpse of courtesy and niceness. On the average, I avoid 4 accidents a day simply by paying attention to others who are driving like idiots, and I hope that I am not an idiot that others have to avoid, although I do have bonehead moments. But I also see a lot of landscapes, some of which are beautiful. If I go the back way (the 118), I pass by orchards which for some reason remind me of the patchwork gardens in that ride at Disneyland. There are a lot of blue skies and pretty clouds. Sometimes someone has a dog who is sticking its head out of the window, dog lips flapping happily in the breeze, a thin line of drool following, or if the dog is little, hanging out in the space between the back seat and the rear windshield, basking in the sun.

Driving so much gets hard – hard on your body and hard on your soul. It is three hours of my life every day that I could be doing something else. It is adding to the ultimate destruction of the planet (as well as the padding of my rump). And it gets frustrating when the freeways get jammed and there is no end in sight. But I get to rock out when the music is good, and I get to talk to my mom a lot. Sometimes I just think a lot, too, but more often than not I think of sad things and turn the radio on to distract me.

I pulled into work this morning, grabbed my umbrella and trudged into the office, glad to have made it. And in a few hours, I will trudge back out, ready to do it all over again. Yet I am happy. I have no plans tonight, so I plan to go straight home, make something really nice to eat, and perhaps take a bath with the lavender soap I got for Christmas. A nice cup of tea, my favorite show, and a foot rub later, the Naughty Gato, the Dingo and I will curl up in nocturnal hibernation. Then tomorrow, I will get up and do it all again.

A Brave New World

2009-01-20T10:11:00.000-08:00

People who aren’t idiots did not schedule doctor appointments this morning. However, thanks to the wonders of the internet (and when I get home, the magic of DVR – the best invention ever in my opinion, but I digress), I just watched the Inauguration of the 44th President of the United States. With tears in my eyes, I listened to the new President speak about things that were, things that are, and things that are yet to be. I have hope in our country for the first time in a long time, and I have hope that he will be able to clean up the mess and get us back in running order.

The fact that he is a minority, although a wonderful thing for which I am proud, is not that of which I am most proud. I see a man who understands struggle, has lived the reality of non-traditional family life in America, and who looks out for the little guy. I have not felt that way about our leadership for several years, and I am, again, hopeful. Black or white, Democrat or Republican, rich or poor, we are but one country, nay, one nation, and maybe now we can feel like it again.

Photo from CNN.com

Countdown to Mexico

2009-01-15T09:22:00.000-08:00

In preparation for a trip in April, I want to lose some weight and exercise so that the people don’t try to push me back in the water at the beach and say to each other, “Honey, look, it’s dying!”

Yo-yo dieting and a lack of discipline have been major problems for me pretty much my whole adult life, but today, I commit to myself to do this once and for all. Not just for the trip, but for my overall health and state-of-mind as well. I have been watching this show, “10 Years Younger,” and have come to the realization that I, too, like the masses, am getting older (and have certain materialistic needs, but that is another blog). Now, I don’t think I look old for my age, but I do think I have let myself go and the one resolution I made for myself was to take better care of myself so that I look and feel better. What this show does is take these people, some of whom have really sad stories and are a complete mess, and helps them change by doing such things as having their teeth and skin fixed, helping them pick out more flattering clothes, and updating their hair and makeup. For these people, the benefits are beyond cosmetic help – they regain their confidence and feel like they can operate not just on a normal level, but on a strong, confident level. I want to feel like that.

So today I start at ground zero. Day One. The beginning. No more Jimmy Dean sausage, no more Twisted Sister. (And if you get that reference, you are my new hero.) Diet, exercise, a little pampering, and no more excuses. Normally I would go celebrate with a cheeseburger, but today, GRAPES! I always did know how to party.

Star Sighting: Sydney Poitier

2009-01-13T11:16:00.000-08:00

I can now add Sydney Poitier to my list. The star of such classics as "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner," "To Sir With Love," and "They Call Me MISTER TIbbs!" apparently goes to the same medical center as I do.

Whenever I see celebrities I never acknowledge that I know who they are, but he caught me looking and smiled at me. I thought that was nice.

2008 Photo Rodeo

2009-01-11T12:46:00.001-08:00

The Best of 2008

A haughty sea lion under the pier at Pismo Beach.

Sumo Tour '08! The first time in L.A. in 27 years.

On the road to Vegas.

Beautiful Mammoth Lake.

Gentler than a lot of people I know.

Foul-tempered fowl.

A giraffe micro.

My bad-ass turtle Jethro.

My first Lakers game.

The Naughty Gato strikes in 3, 2, 1 ...

Another Shaker

2009-01-09T05:55:00.000-08:00

We had a bit of a jolt last night at 7:50 Pacific. It was originally thought to be a 5.0, but I heard somewhere that it was a 4.5er. Since my complex was on rollers, it was an odd back and forth kind of thing. Being a SoCal native, earthquakes have never bothered me much, but the gato sure got scared!

The Old Dingo and I were having some pizza with Naughty Gato laying on the other side of the table. All of a sudden he jumped up and the table started rolling and for a moment I thought it was just his fat arse causing the movement. When I realized it was a quake, I grabbed him so he wouldn't freak out and hurt himself, then after a few seconds it stopped. He then proceeded to his food bowl and ate like nothing ever happened. What a funny pet.

At any rate, nothing broken, nothing maimed. I hope no one else suffered any damage. California dreamin', see.

A New Year - A New Blog

2009-01-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my new blog! I was out of the saddle for some time, but wanted to get back into it as life has had a lot of ups and downs lately. I am a big proponent of top 10 lists, but in the interest of time, today’s will be a Top Five.

The 2008 Top Five (in no particular order)

1. The election of our first African-American President of the United States. I think his election goes way beyond race, though. The masses (of REAL people, NOT Wall Street people) have been clamoring for change for some time, and our voices have been finally heard. I think a huge message has been sent about how the everyday Joe feels unrepresented by his government. It is the proudest I have been of our country for a long time and I can’t wait until the Inauguration.

2. My engagement. Ok, not as big a deal as the presidency per se, but important to me. I love the Dingo and together we are very happy. My friend and I were talking about how there is the nerd and the free spirit in the relationship, and I determined that I am definitely the nerd. The Dingo has shown me what a truly loving, respected, and cherished relationship can be like, and that is something I simply have not had before.

3. Gato! So I got this cat, see, and he is me in feline form. He looks so innocent and sweet when he sleeps. And then he wakes up – God help us all! The creature has perfected the art of doorstop sproinging, human stomach landing and scalp biting and is a prolific waste producer also. If there were cat roller derby, he would be involved. Best of all, he is a world champion wrestler and biter of toes!

4. The Lakers. My grandfather is such a huge fan that when he was sick in the hospital, he would not take his morphine until the Lakers game was over. When they went into overtime, I thought he was going to faint, but he sent the nurse away until the game was done. This season I was able to take him to his first Lakers game ever at the Staples Center. Since he is in a wheelchair, we got better seats than the tickets were for, so that was awesome. While we were waiting in the Facilities area, they gave him a free t-shirt and magazine, too! He was like a little kid when the game started, yelling, banging his noisemakers together, and pointing that ridiculous foam finger. What a great time we had. He didn’t get out of bed for the next two days.

5. Going back to school. I like where I work, and I am happy that I have a good job, but I have come to the realization that I want to do something else. Last semester, I started studying Criminal Justice and am transferring to Rio Hondo for Spring semester to get my certificate in Forensic Science. It will probably take three semesters. When I started, I was worried about getting back into study mode, but discovered that it is much easier this time around than it was for my first degree. My life had become so stagnant, and halfway through the year I realized I had done none of the things that I wanted to, so here we are. Today I go to orientation and meet with a counselor since there is no way in hell I am taking English or Math 101 ever again. No, thank you!

On a more serious note, there were some bad things that happened, too, but that is for another day. I hope to focus more on positive things this year and try to learn from the negative. Although it has been really difficult and there were times when I felt my sanity slowly slipping into the abyss of madness, things are good today, so I am running with it. Actually I am kind of chubby, so I’m not running anywhere, but would you like to mosey with me?