There are times when I am thrown for a complete loop, and I start thinking. I think about issues that probably have no solutions save for my own violent fantasies, and I wonder how things got to be the way they were. Perhaps they were always this way or perhaps there was a catalyst I was unaware of, but I daresay the state of things as they are now started declining way before my time and will continue to do so long after I am gone.
Deciding to leave one’s comfort zone is a big decision, and it can get you into pretty intimidating situations. A good friend of mine wanted to go to a popular spot in town, just to get out, have a drink and see what was out there. The purpose was not to scope men, be seen, or get hit on. We just wanted a to get out of the house after a particularly rough semester for both of us. After driving around looking for parking, we finally headed to the hotel and took the elevator to the top floor. From the elevator, we took the stairs to the roof. On the way, several college-aged looking men with drinks in their hands and privileged sneers on their faces bumped us on their way down – apparently not only did they own the stairwell, but we were invisible as well. I then opened the door to the bar and was completely shocked. We were greeted with the same sneers as the men in the stairwell, and I immediately felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. Blonde bikini-clad college-aged girls were rubbing themselves on various and sundry men of the same age group. They were emaciated, inebriated and didn’t have a single natural breast in their bodies. The guard at the door quickly looked my friend and I up and down and told us it was a private party and we would need to leave. I never felt so relieved in my life. I don’t really believe it was a private party at all, but we obviously didn’t fit in, and frankly, I was glad to get the hell out of there. It made me think of an ex-boyfriend who used to go there all the time and would never take me. Now I know why.
This was the sort of thing you see in the movies, only I wasn’t making the desperate attempt to try to fit in. It made me think about how things were when I went to college. There was my share of frat parties, but nothing like the one I had just glimpsed. I am not someone who is easily shocked, but this threw me for a loop and I was disgusted.
While watching late-night television after I got home, I noticed all the commercials were for either weight loss products, videos of nude college-aged girls (their parents must be very proud) or booty call hotlines and it really made me wonder what the hell was going on. Am I just getting too old? Am I a has-been? Or more like a never-was? Is our society of younger people just that superficial, raunchy and disrespectful? And how sad if they are. I am not thin, rich or beautiful by American standards. I am not into money or possessions that give the illusion of status, and I am certainly not into casual sex or multiple partners. I want so much more than that, and I actually feel a little sorry for those girls at the bar who appear to expect so much less for themselves. They may have men all over them, but I know who really cares about me and I would prefer that any day of the week.
Maybe this is only the beginning of the decline. I don’t know. I just know that I am going to sleep well tonight next to someone who loves me after eating a great cheeseburger. And tomorrow I will go back to work and continue to not live off of daddy's money.
