Friday, February 13, 2009
Star Sighting: Wienermobile
On the way to Alhambra the other day, I looked over at some sort of gathering and saw it: the pinnacle of iconic advertising - The Wienermobile! It is shaped like a hot dog on a bun that is used to promote and advertise Oscar Mayer products. The Wienermobile was created in 1936 by Oscar's nephew, Carl G. Mayer, and variants are still used by Oscar Mayer today. Drivers of the Wienermobiles are known as Hotdoggers and often hand out toy whistles shaped as replicas of the Wienermobile, known as Wienerwhistles.
Wienerrific! Now if I only had a huge diced onion and a tub of deli mustard!
Wienerrific! Now if I only had a huge diced onion and a tub of deli mustard!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Why I …
Hate the mechanic who fixed my tire: I blew out on the frigging freeway today. I got the tire fixed YESTERDAY to prevent exactly this from happening. I was driving to work, minding my own freaking business, when my car veered violently to the right and I heard that blown-out tire noise. Fortunately, the cars around me were paying attention and got the heck out of the way before I smashed them, and I was able to pull out of traffic.
Love Progressive Insurance: I called roadside assistance, and they sent someone. It took a while, but they were there and there were no games or bull, and I didn’t have to try and maneuver changing a tire in the middle of the freaking 101 in rush hour.
Love the California Highway Patrol: The officer came up and told me to back the car up and to the right a little to get a little further out of traffic. Because I don’t have the sense God gave a cantaloupe, I couldn’t start the car. Why, you ask? Because I had left the headlights on. So he had to jump the battery. I’m not sure he believed me when I told him I wasn’t normally this stupid.
Love Travis from Road Medic: Once he got there, he had the tire changed in about 17 seconds. Plus, he was polite and cute as a bug. And he apologized that I had to wait so long.
Moral of the story: Don’t be a cheapskate. Just buy a new frigging tire.
Love Progressive Insurance: I called roadside assistance, and they sent someone. It took a while, but they were there and there were no games or bull, and I didn’t have to try and maneuver changing a tire in the middle of the freaking 101 in rush hour.
Love the California Highway Patrol: The officer came up and told me to back the car up and to the right a little to get a little further out of traffic. Because I don’t have the sense God gave a cantaloupe, I couldn’t start the car. Why, you ask? Because I had left the headlights on. So he had to jump the battery. I’m not sure he believed me when I told him I wasn’t normally this stupid.
Love Travis from Road Medic: Once he got there, he had the tire changed in about 17 seconds. Plus, he was polite and cute as a bug. And he apologized that I had to wait so long.
Moral of the story: Don’t be a cheapskate. Just buy a new frigging tire.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Three Minutes
Last night we were all at the hospital, the whole family all in one place, which hardly ever happens. Cristyn was having her baby and the contractions were painful. She squeezed my hands and breathed like she was taught until the pain would pass. They stopped for a few minutes, so I went into the waiting room where everyone was talking and eating, waiting to welcome the baby. Andrew asked me how it was going and I was so surprised and happy to see him. Toni Marie walked in and I hugged her fiercely - it was so nice to see her, too. but when Cristyn walked in the waiting room with the baby in her arms, everything changed.
"We only have three minutes," Toni Marie said, and I grabbed them all, the members of the family hugging us all into a tight little skein. But when we let go, they were gone.
And I woke up this morning sobbing, remembering the car crash. Remembering the news reports and having to call the police to find them. Remembering having to tell my mother.
Remembering that they were dead.
"We only have three minutes," Toni Marie said, and I grabbed them all, the members of the family hugging us all into a tight little skein. But when we let go, they were gone.
And I woke up this morning sobbing, remembering the car crash. Remembering the news reports and having to call the police to find them. Remembering having to tell my mother.
Remembering that they were dead.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Ode to a New Clutch
New clutch, you saved my car
It was on the verge of being replaced
And was working my nerves with its high gas consumption
But you’ve changed that, oh new clutch
And I am grateful.
New clutch, I did not have to manhandle you
Or strain my shoulder to put you in reverse
Or overwork my left pedal foot
Because you run so smoothly
And I am grateful.
New clutch, in conjunction with my new tires
You have saved me from the grief and pain
Of breaking down on the highway
Where no one stops to help except those stupid trucks that are never there
And I am grateful.
New clutch, now I feel safe
On my ridiculous commute
And I avoided having to make car payments
Which pleases me as I am cheap
And I am grateful.
It was on the verge of being replaced
And was working my nerves with its high gas consumption
But you’ve changed that, oh new clutch
And I am grateful.
New clutch, I did not have to manhandle you
Or strain my shoulder to put you in reverse
Or overwork my left pedal foot
Because you run so smoothly
And I am grateful.
New clutch, in conjunction with my new tires
You have saved me from the grief and pain
Of breaking down on the highway
Where no one stops to help except those stupid trucks that are never there
And I am grateful.
New clutch, now I feel safe
On my ridiculous commute
And I avoided having to make car payments
Which pleases me as I am cheap
And I am grateful.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Name That Movie 02/02/09
"I thought you of all people would appreciate efforts to deconstruct the colonialist paternalistic agrarian hierarchy that disenfranchises the Tangata Whenua and erodes the natural resources of Aotearoa."
Things on CNN ...
Things on CNN that Annoy Me
* Jessica Simpson’s weight. Um … why is this national headlines? Will her ass find the answer to world hunger?
* Anything to do with Paris Hilton. What a pity she can’t use all of her fame and money for anything that is relevant to anything.
* Britney Spears’ restraining orders. Stop dating freaks and get your life together!
* Octuplets. Someone at the fertility clinic really messed up.
* Brangelina. They’re not the first people to take care of a lot of kids while juggling careers. Gimme a break.
* Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson. They are the first lesbian couple ever. Or so one would think. Do lesbians consider them a lesbian couple? Or are they an insult to lesbian coupledom?
* Michael Phelps sucking on a bong. The guy just won a boatload of medals, so I say toke up. His crime is being stupid.
Things on CNN that are Cool
* Shoe throwing
* Actual news that doesn’t deal with celebrities
* Coverage of weird crimes
* Obameter
* Anderson Cooper. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing. Just speak to me, oh great one.
That is all.
* Jessica Simpson’s weight. Um … why is this national headlines? Will her ass find the answer to world hunger?
* Anything to do with Paris Hilton. What a pity she can’t use all of her fame and money for anything that is relevant to anything.
* Britney Spears’ restraining orders. Stop dating freaks and get your life together!
* Octuplets. Someone at the fertility clinic really messed up.
* Brangelina. They’re not the first people to take care of a lot of kids while juggling careers. Gimme a break.
* Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson. They are the first lesbian couple ever. Or so one would think. Do lesbians consider them a lesbian couple? Or are they an insult to lesbian coupledom?
* Michael Phelps sucking on a bong. The guy just won a boatload of medals, so I say toke up. His crime is being stupid.
Things on CNN that are Cool
* Shoe throwing
* Actual news that doesn’t deal with celebrities
* Coverage of weird crimes
* Obameter
* Anderson Cooper. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing. Just speak to me, oh great one.
That is all.
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