10 Things I Have Learned

I don’t know where this came from. I’m feeling a little dark today in light of current events.

1. Never underestimate the ability you have of hurting someone’s feelings, especially at work when they are trying to learn something new. Yelling at people over email because you can is cowardly and mean and the only person who looks bad is you.

2. Never go after someone else’s man. If he cheats on her, he’ll cheat on you and make you feel crazy and irrational.

3. Never trust your ex to take your name off of something involving money. Do it yourself or be damned sure he did it, or you will have to deal with him forever when all you want is to get him out of your life. Then good luck getting a home loan. Stupid turd.

4. Respond when someone says hi to you in the hallway. They are not invisible or nonexistent because you might be in a bad mood. It is amazing what a smile and nod can do.

5. Pay your dues. Nothing's worse than having to hound someone for money they borrowed from you. That goes for your bills, too. If you're in over your head, make a plan so you can get out. Lesson learned from my doomed marriage.

6. Let people have their fair turn. You are not the only person in the parking lot/supermarket line/wherever the hell. In the great scheme of things, a couple more minutes is not a big deal. Cutting people off rude and can be dangerous for them as well as you.

7. Trust your instincts. They are smarter than you. If someone raises your hackles, there is probably a reason. If someone makes you relax, there is probably a reason. Don’t ignore it if some one you know makes you uncomfortable. And if someone makes you happy, don’t push it away.

8. Never take for granted a hot shower or a hot meal. Living in a country with electricity, modern plumbing and an abundance of food is something we should all appreciate. Americans are freaking spoiled, including myself. You should have heard me complain when I had to boil a pot of water for a bath last week!

9. Cherish your friends and family. They could go at any time, no matter how young, how old, how healthy, or how ill. Our family learned that the hard way.

10. Treat animals with kindness. Humans made them dependent, encroached on their homes and in some cases, killed them off completely. They’re just creatures doing their creature errands and there is a 99.9% chance they are doing no harm to you.

The Eights

When I was 8, I was in Mrs. Manning’s third grade class. I remember she was really nice and her husband was the Fire Chief for the City of Los Angeles . I learned how to multiply and divide that year, and I learned to make blueberry muffins. I lived in Los Feliz and rode my bicycle around the neighborhood with my friends. I didn’t care about the future because I was enjoying life so much.

When I was 18, I started my first year of college at CSUN. My whole life was ahead of me. I ditched class, partied a lot, and pledged a sorority. I later depledged since it just wasn’t for me and flunked out of school, but it was still a great time. I was trying to find my way and having a good time doing it.

When I was 28, I had been married for seven years. I hated my life. I felt terribly lost and alone in Colorado, even though I had good friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with. I had gone back to school and finished my AA by then and was attending Regis University in pursuit of my BA in Communication. I was almost a straight A student, was heavily involved with the honor society and the Moose Lodge, and had no idea who I was or what I really wanted to do. Communication was just easy, so why not?

I am now 38. I am divorced. I am happy. I know exactly who I am and what I want. I have no problem using the word “I” a hundred times in a paragraph. Keggers have been replaced with dinner parties. My fiancé is a wonderful man who is supportive, kind, and loving. I went back to study Criminal Justice and Forensics and am very excited about the direction in which this could take me. I definitely see myself as a wiser, sadder person than when I was 18 perhaps, but it makes me appreciate my life now even more.

This has been an interesting journey so far. I spent a lot of time looking back and regretting, but the actions I took were relevant at the time and have led me to where I am now. I may not be exactly where I want to be at the moment, but I am proud that I have grabbed life by the reigns and have the confidence, self-awareness, and constitution to ride in the direction I know I want to go.