I don’t know where this came from. I’m feeling a little dark today in light of current events.
1. Never underestimate the ability you have of hurting someone’s feelings, especially at work when they are trying to learn something new. Yelling at people over email because you can is cowardly and mean and the only person who looks bad is you.
2. Never go after someone else’s man. If he cheats on her, he’ll cheat on you and make you feel crazy and irrational.
3. Never trust your ex to take your name off of something involving money. Do it yourself or be damned sure he did it, or you will have to deal with him forever when all you want is to get him out of your life. Then good luck getting a home loan. Stupid turd.
4. Respond when someone says hi to you in the hallway. They are not invisible or nonexistent because you might be in a bad mood. It is amazing what a smile and nod can do.
5. Pay your dues. Nothing's worse than having to hound someone for money they borrowed from you. That goes for your bills, too. If you're in over your head, make a plan so you can get out. Lesson learned from my doomed marriage.
6. Let people have their fair turn. You are not the only person in the parking lot/supermarket line/wherever the hell. In the great scheme of things, a couple more minutes is not a big deal. Cutting people off rude and can be dangerous for them as well as you.
7. Trust your instincts. They are smarter than you. If someone raises your hackles, there is probably a reason. If someone makes you relax, there is probably a reason. Don’t ignore it if some one you know makes you uncomfortable. And if someone makes you happy, don’t push it away.
8. Never take for granted a hot shower or a hot meal. Living in a country with electricity, modern plumbing and an abundance of food is something we should all appreciate. Americans are freaking spoiled, including myself. You should have heard me complain when I had to boil a pot of water for a bath last week!
9. Cherish your friends and family. They could go at any time, no matter how young, how old, how healthy, or how ill. Our family learned that the hard way.
10. Treat animals with kindness. Humans made them dependent, encroached on their homes and in some cases, killed them off completely. They’re just creatures doing their creature errands and there is a 99.9% chance they are doing no harm to you.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Eights
When I was 8, I was in Mrs. Manning’s third grade class. I remember she was really nice and her husband was the Fire Chief for the City of Los Angeles . I learned how to multiply and divide that year, and I learned to make blueberry muffins. I lived in Los Feliz and rode my bicycle around the neighborhood with my friends. I didn’t care about the future because I was enjoying life so much.
When I was 18, I started my first year of college at CSUN. My whole life was ahead of me. I ditched class, partied a lot, and pledged a sorority. I later depledged since it just wasn’t for me and flunked out of school, but it was still a great time. I was trying to find my way and having a good time doing it.
When I was 28, I had been married for seven years. I hated my life. I felt terribly lost and alone in Colorado, even though I had good friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with. I had gone back to school and finished my AA by then and was attending Regis University in pursuit of my BA in Communication. I was almost a straight A student, was heavily involved with the honor society and the Moose Lodge, and had no idea who I was or what I really wanted to do. Communication was just easy, so why not?
I am now 38. I am divorced. I am happy. I know exactly who I am and what I want. I have no problem using the word “I” a hundred times in a paragraph. Keggers have been replaced with dinner parties. My fiancé is a wonderful man who is supportive, kind, and loving. I went back to study Criminal Justice and Forensics and am very excited about the direction in which this could take me. I definitely see myself as a wiser, sadder person than when I was 18 perhaps, but it makes me appreciate my life now even more.
This has been an interesting journey so far. I spent a lot of time looking back and regretting, but the actions I took were relevant at the time and have led me to where I am now. I may not be exactly where I want to be at the moment, but I am proud that I have grabbed life by the reigns and have the confidence, self-awareness, and constitution to ride in the direction I know I want to go.
When I was 18, I started my first year of college at CSUN. My whole life was ahead of me. I ditched class, partied a lot, and pledged a sorority. I later depledged since it just wasn’t for me and flunked out of school, but it was still a great time. I was trying to find my way and having a good time doing it.
When I was 28, I had been married for seven years. I hated my life. I felt terribly lost and alone in Colorado, even though I had good friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with. I had gone back to school and finished my AA by then and was attending Regis University in pursuit of my BA in Communication. I was almost a straight A student, was heavily involved with the honor society and the Moose Lodge, and had no idea who I was or what I really wanted to do. Communication was just easy, so why not?
I am now 38. I am divorced. I am happy. I know exactly who I am and what I want. I have no problem using the word “I” a hundred times in a paragraph. Keggers have been replaced with dinner parties. My fiancé is a wonderful man who is supportive, kind, and loving. I went back to study Criminal Justice and Forensics and am very excited about the direction in which this could take me. I definitely see myself as a wiser, sadder person than when I was 18 perhaps, but it makes me appreciate my life now even more.
This has been an interesting journey so far. I spent a lot of time looking back and regretting, but the actions I took were relevant at the time and have led me to where I am now. I may not be exactly where I want to be at the moment, but I am proud that I have grabbed life by the reigns and have the confidence, self-awareness, and constitution to ride in the direction I know I want to go.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Thrown for a Loop
There are times when I am thrown for a complete loop, and I start thinking. I think about issues that probably have no solutions save for my own violent fantasies, and I wonder how things got to be the way they were. Perhaps they were always this way or perhaps there was a catalyst I was unaware of, but I daresay the state of things as they are now started declining way before my time and will continue to do so long after I am gone.
Deciding to leave one’s comfort zone is a big decision, and it can get you into pretty intimidating situations. A good friend of mine wanted to go to a popular spot in town, just to get out, have a drink and see what was out there. The purpose was not to scope men, be seen, or get hit on. We just wanted a to get out of the house after a particularly rough semester for both of us. After driving around looking for parking, we finally headed to the hotel and took the elevator to the top floor. From the elevator, we took the stairs to the roof. On the way, several college-aged looking men with drinks in their hands and privileged sneers on their faces bumped us on their way down – apparently not only did they own the stairwell, but we were invisible as well. I then opened the door to the bar and was completely shocked. We were greeted with the same sneers as the men in the stairwell, and I immediately felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. Blonde bikini-clad college-aged girls were rubbing themselves on various and sundry men of the same age group. They were emaciated, inebriated and didn’t have a single natural breast in their bodies. The guard at the door quickly looked my friend and I up and down and told us it was a private party and we would need to leave. I never felt so relieved in my life. I don’t really believe it was a private party at all, but we obviously didn’t fit in, and frankly, I was glad to get the hell out of there. It made me think of an ex-boyfriend who used to go there all the time and would never take me. Now I know why.
This was the sort of thing you see in the movies, only I wasn’t making the desperate attempt to try to fit in. It made me think about how things were when I went to college. There was my share of frat parties, but nothing like the one I had just glimpsed. I am not someone who is easily shocked, but this threw me for a loop and I was disgusted.
While watching late-night television after I got home, I noticed all the commercials were for either weight loss products, videos of nude college-aged girls (their parents must be very proud) or booty call hotlines and it really made me wonder what the hell was going on. Am I just getting too old? Am I a has-been? Or more like a never-was? Is our society of younger people just that superficial, raunchy and disrespectful? And how sad if they are. I am not thin, rich or beautiful by American standards. I am not into money or possessions that give the illusion of status, and I am certainly not into casual sex or multiple partners. I want so much more than that, and I actually feel a little sorry for those girls at the bar who appear to expect so much less for themselves. They may have men all over them, but I know who really cares about me and I would prefer that any day of the week.
Maybe this is only the beginning of the decline. I don’t know. I just know that I am going to sleep well tonight next to someone who loves me after eating a great cheeseburger. And tomorrow I will go back to work and continue to not live off of daddy's money.
Deciding to leave one’s comfort zone is a big decision, and it can get you into pretty intimidating situations. A good friend of mine wanted to go to a popular spot in town, just to get out, have a drink and see what was out there. The purpose was not to scope men, be seen, or get hit on. We just wanted a to get out of the house after a particularly rough semester for both of us. After driving around looking for parking, we finally headed to the hotel and took the elevator to the top floor. From the elevator, we took the stairs to the roof. On the way, several college-aged looking men with drinks in their hands and privileged sneers on their faces bumped us on their way down – apparently not only did they own the stairwell, but we were invisible as well. I then opened the door to the bar and was completely shocked. We were greeted with the same sneers as the men in the stairwell, and I immediately felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. Blonde bikini-clad college-aged girls were rubbing themselves on various and sundry men of the same age group. They were emaciated, inebriated and didn’t have a single natural breast in their bodies. The guard at the door quickly looked my friend and I up and down and told us it was a private party and we would need to leave. I never felt so relieved in my life. I don’t really believe it was a private party at all, but we obviously didn’t fit in, and frankly, I was glad to get the hell out of there. It made me think of an ex-boyfriend who used to go there all the time and would never take me. Now I know why.
This was the sort of thing you see in the movies, only I wasn’t making the desperate attempt to try to fit in. It made me think about how things were when I went to college. There was my share of frat parties, but nothing like the one I had just glimpsed. I am not someone who is easily shocked, but this threw me for a loop and I was disgusted.
While watching late-night television after I got home, I noticed all the commercials were for either weight loss products, videos of nude college-aged girls (their parents must be very proud) or booty call hotlines and it really made me wonder what the hell was going on. Am I just getting too old? Am I a has-been? Or more like a never-was? Is our society of younger people just that superficial, raunchy and disrespectful? And how sad if they are. I am not thin, rich or beautiful by American standards. I am not into money or possessions that give the illusion of status, and I am certainly not into casual sex or multiple partners. I want so much more than that, and I actually feel a little sorry for those girls at the bar who appear to expect so much less for themselves. They may have men all over them, but I know who really cares about me and I would prefer that any day of the week.
Maybe this is only the beginning of the decline. I don’t know. I just know that I am going to sleep well tonight next to someone who loves me after eating a great cheeseburger. And tomorrow I will go back to work and continue to not live off of daddy's money.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Gettin' Five In
In an effort to start taking better care of myself, I made a deal with my grief counselor to start eating five fruits and vegetables a day. There are so many types of both that it hasn’t been a problem getting them in at all, provided that I go to the grocery store on a regular basis which is not quite my favorite thing to do. The deal also included reducing my intake of diet pop and having iced tea or water instead, especially in the morning so that the first thing I take in is not a bottle full of chemicals.
The first thing I noticed, eating all the fruits and veggies, was the increase in odd noises from my abdominal area. I didn’t know humans produced those sounds. Somehow I am reminded of an angry sea lion whose afternoon nap in the sun has been disturbed by a fat tourist in black socks and sandals trying to take its picture. Fortunately, I don’t have to attend many meetings.
The second was the attractive array of facial blemishes that appeared seemingly overnight. I chalk it off to detoxing, but I look like a bad connect-the-dots in a coloring book for infants. My friend told me it would even out after she recovered from recoiling in horror. It probably doesn’t help that I am a bit stressed and about to start what is gearing up to be my worst cycle in years. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.
Yesterday was the first day that I didn’t get all five in since I started more than a week ago. I didn’t prepare anything to bring to work and ate out for lunch and dinner. By bed time, my stomach hurt and was so distended (but Jerry’s Deli pastrami, how I love thee) that I could barely move. I hit the bed, watched episode two of the first season of The Wire, and miserably passed out. In the episode, two of the characters were macking on Chicken McNuggets® and I thought I was going to be sick. I awoke at four with the taste and burning sensation of acid in my throat and swore that I would change my ways.
Today, so far so good. I didn’t have anything to bring, but drank some juice, had a granola bar and will be hitting the grocery store over my lunch break to pick up some healthy foods. Eventually, I will even out and not feel so tired. I may even feel like a normal person one day not have a stomach that sounds like a penguin mating call. For today, I will just concentrate on getting my five in.
The first thing I noticed, eating all the fruits and veggies, was the increase in odd noises from my abdominal area. I didn’t know humans produced those sounds. Somehow I am reminded of an angry sea lion whose afternoon nap in the sun has been disturbed by a fat tourist in black socks and sandals trying to take its picture. Fortunately, I don’t have to attend many meetings.
The second was the attractive array of facial blemishes that appeared seemingly overnight. I chalk it off to detoxing, but I look like a bad connect-the-dots in a coloring book for infants. My friend told me it would even out after she recovered from recoiling in horror. It probably doesn’t help that I am a bit stressed and about to start what is gearing up to be my worst cycle in years. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.
Yesterday was the first day that I didn’t get all five in since I started more than a week ago. I didn’t prepare anything to bring to work and ate out for lunch and dinner. By bed time, my stomach hurt and was so distended (but Jerry’s Deli pastrami, how I love thee) that I could barely move. I hit the bed, watched episode two of the first season of The Wire, and miserably passed out. In the episode, two of the characters were macking on Chicken McNuggets® and I thought I was going to be sick. I awoke at four with the taste and burning sensation of acid in my throat and swore that I would change my ways.
Today, so far so good. I didn’t have anything to bring, but drank some juice, had a granola bar and will be hitting the grocery store over my lunch break to pick up some healthy foods. Eventually, I will even out and not feel so tired. I may even feel like a normal person one day not have a stomach that sounds like a penguin mating call. For today, I will just concentrate on getting my five in.
Monday, March 2, 2009
A Word of Thanks …
... to the little butthole who stole my iPhone on Saturday. You really made my day. I had to cancel my service, cancel the warranty, and go buy another phone, for which I did not get a service discount for. I hope you really enjoy that I cancelled it so quickly that you didn’t even have time to download anything or make any phone calls, little butthole. When the time comes for you, I hope someone takes something away something that you really wanted and worked hard to earn the money for, then get screwed when you try to replace it. I also hope when you try to get it activated, the operator tells you it was stolen and calls you a little butthole. Have fun paying for a charger and earbuds. Fortunately, I didn’t even have it long enough to put on any iTunes, so no free music for you, thieving little butthole. Enjoy.
Oh, and by the way, you’re a little butthole.
Oh, and by the way, you’re a little butthole.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Star Sighting: Wienermobile
On the way to Alhambra the other day, I looked over at some sort of gathering and saw it: the pinnacle of iconic advertising - The Wienermobile! It is shaped like a hot dog on a bun that is used to promote and advertise Oscar Mayer products. The Wienermobile was created in 1936 by Oscar's nephew, Carl G. Mayer, and variants are still used by Oscar Mayer today. Drivers of the Wienermobiles are known as Hotdoggers and often hand out toy whistles shaped as replicas of the Wienermobile, known as Wienerwhistles.
Wienerrific! Now if I only had a huge diced onion and a tub of deli mustard!
Wienerrific! Now if I only had a huge diced onion and a tub of deli mustard!
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