The Eights

When I was 8, I was in Mrs. Manning’s third grade class. I remember she was really nice and her husband was the Fire Chief for the City of Los Angeles . I learned how to multiply and divide that year, and I learned to make blueberry muffins. I lived in Los Feliz and rode my bicycle around the neighborhood with my friends. I didn’t care about the future because I was enjoying life so much.

When I was 18, I started my first year of college at CSUN. My whole life was ahead of me. I ditched class, partied a lot, and pledged a sorority. I later depledged since it just wasn’t for me and flunked out of school, but it was still a great time. I was trying to find my way and having a good time doing it.

When I was 28, I had been married for seven years. I hated my life. I felt terribly lost and alone in Colorado, even though I had good friends, some of whom I still keep in touch with. I had gone back to school and finished my AA by then and was attending Regis University in pursuit of my BA in Communication. I was almost a straight A student, was heavily involved with the honor society and the Moose Lodge, and had no idea who I was or what I really wanted to do. Communication was just easy, so why not?

I am now 38. I am divorced. I am happy. I know exactly who I am and what I want. I have no problem using the word “I” a hundred times in a paragraph. Keggers have been replaced with dinner parties. My fiancé is a wonderful man who is supportive, kind, and loving. I went back to study Criminal Justice and Forensics and am very excited about the direction in which this could take me. I definitely see myself as a wiser, sadder person than when I was 18 perhaps, but it makes me appreciate my life now even more.

This has been an interesting journey so far. I spent a lot of time looking back and regretting, but the actions I took were relevant at the time and have led me to where I am now. I may not be exactly where I want to be at the moment, but I am proud that I have grabbed life by the reigns and have the confidence, self-awareness, and constitution to ride in the direction I know I want to go.