Belated New Year, Belated New Me

But better late than never.

The holidays always put me in crisis - sad over the loss of the kids, bad holiday memories, depression (not in the clinical sense I suppose, but at the very least a severe case of the bummers that prohibit any kind of activity, happiness, or holiday cheer), you name it. I don't care for the holidays. To some they are a welcome break - and I admit I did appreciate having some time off, but whilst others see them as an occasion, I see them as a disruption. They memorialize terrible things, and I am always relieved at the weight off my shoulders when they are over.

Due to my state at my previous to last appointment at the nutritionist (December 20, right smack dab in the middle of a bunch of BS), I was given a reprieve. Survival mode kept me through, but now I can't make that excuse anymore. I went back on Friday and my numbers were pretty bad. The nutritionist was very nice about it, but said that she would really like me to start taking better care of myself. I know I should, we all should, so now I am.

It really hit home the other day when one of the neighborhood cats who conveniently frequents my back porch at mealtimes showed up after a few days of not seeing him. He was all beaten up - swollen, dribbly eyes, cuts and bites, skinny and stinky ... I got out the kitty first aid kit, got him all cleaned up and fed him. I feed the cats - all the cats, strays and mine own - really good cat food. On weekends they get a treat of really good canned cat food. They are getting good nutrition, so generally they are in good health, have clear eyes and wonderful coats. They get the best. I feed myself crap. Junk food, food I know I am allergic to, food with no nutritional value, and way too much of it. As I watched that smelly tom scarfing away, I realized that I take way better care of him than my own self. I don't feel healthy at all - I'm tired, listless, heavy and in pain.

Today is the first day of the year as far as I am concerned. I pulled out all of my food lists and plans that my nutritionist went over with me, planned for the week and packed accordingly for the day. School days are more of a challenge as I am gone from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30 p.m., so I have to plan for not eating at home for the entire day, but it it is not impossible as the excuses I have been making would say. I am excited, encouraged, and empowered to finally be taking care of myself and making myself important enough to treat myself as well as I treat those cats.

I will look forward to my next appointment and see how my numbers have improved.

211:16