Gettin' Five In

In an effort to start taking better care of myself, I made a deal with my grief counselor to start eating five fruits and vegetables a day. There are so many types of both that it hasn’t been a problem getting them in at all, provided that I go to the grocery store on a regular basis which is not quite my favorite thing to do. The deal also included reducing my intake of diet pop and having iced tea or water instead, especially in the morning so that the first thing I take in is not a bottle full of chemicals.

The first thing I noticed, eating all the fruits and veggies, was the increase in odd noises from my abdominal area. I didn’t know humans produced those sounds. Somehow I am reminded of an angry sea lion whose afternoon nap in the sun has been disturbed by a fat tourist in black socks and sandals trying to take its picture. Fortunately, I don’t have to attend many meetings.

The second was the attractive array of facial blemishes that appeared seemingly overnight. I chalk it off to detoxing, but I look like a bad connect-the-dots in a coloring book for infants. My friend told me it would even out after she recovered from recoiling in horror. It probably doesn’t help that I am a bit stressed and about to start what is gearing up to be my worst cycle in years. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.

Yesterday was the first day that I didn’t get all five in since I started more than a week ago. I didn’t prepare anything to bring to work and ate out for lunch and dinner. By bed time, my stomach hurt and was so distended (but Jerry’s Deli pastrami, how I love thee) that I could barely move. I hit the bed, watched episode two of the first season of The Wire, and miserably passed out. In the episode, two of the characters were macking on Chicken McNuggets® and I thought I was going to be sick. I awoke at four with the taste and burning sensation of acid in my throat and swore that I would change my ways.

Today, so far so good. I didn’t have anything to bring, but drank some juice, had a granola bar and will be hitting the grocery store over my lunch break to pick up some healthy foods. Eventually, I will even out and not feel so tired. I may even feel like a normal person one day not have a stomach that sounds like a penguin mating call. For today, I will just concentrate on getting my five in.