Final Curtain Call

Yesterday's matinee was the last showing of The Music Man, and it was bittersweet. I will miss working with the people I have met (most of them, anyway), and I miss the learning and fun. Perhaps this is just a sign of things to come and something else interesting will come my way. I hope so.

Not only did I learn a lot about musical theater, but about life in general. It made me recognize some ugly things about myself, but showed me some good as well. One thing I learned is that my own judgementalness is going to cripple me if I don't get a handle on it. Assumptions I made about people, with one exception, were wrong. They were always negative and hurtful, and I am a little ashamed of myself. Some things were validated, and I am a little ashamed of the smug satisfaction I got from that. However, my eyes are a little more open now, and I hope that I learned the lesson. There will always be people that bring out the ugly in me, but I am hoping I will turn that ugly into something productive.

I am also a little bugged that I didn't stand up to someone that was bullying the kids - an adult. A female adult. She liked to manhandle them and boss them around, and even though I told the director, it never really got better and I got more and more frustrated. It really took a lot of the experience away from me, and I can't allow that to happen in the future.

There were a lot more good things that came out of this. I have not felt like I am part of a team in a long time. This production was a huge team, and I was embraced, despite my lack of experience, as a full-fledged member. We were all trusted to do that which we needed to do to make the production run smoothly, and I am proud to have done my part. I got to meet and make new friends, which is extremely difficult for me due to a lot of confidence and trust issues. My heart has been slammed shut for a long time, but it's starting to open again, along with my eyes and my mind.

The Stepping Stone Players was a safe environment in which to step back onto the stage. I hope to continue on with them, as much as I hope to continue on my journey of self discovery.